Big Ups and Fuck Yous - January 2017

Ho, ho, ho, and the other hos, too.

December 2016 MiloBUAFY RatoFebruary 2017

§ January 09, 2017

Colour is the absence of content.

§ January 08, 2017

A SNOWMAN Big ups to the RollerCoaster Tycoon subreddit! Did you know this old-ass game was still kicking around? A lot of Channers (brb as I purge myself with blessed water) bring up the joke that it's a game you reinstall the instant you see """original content""" being posted about it. While 4chan is a blend of chaos and miracles, proving that there is no good in the world without evil to contrast, and no dark situation that may come through without a silver lining, the subreddit is all original content. Including, legendarily, a picture of three mechanics on a 5x1 footpath that is blatant karma whoring but they whore so good so have sum mutherfukkin KARMA YA BITCH. You know, I always pictured the mechanics as women as opposed to men - an antithesis to the decisively male custodians and security guards, where the humble jumpsuit and helmet hides the features of what may or may not be the fairer sex. And of course there's the yiffertainers, and who the fuck knows what's under those suits? If you can't get enough RollerCoaster Tycoon in your life, you may also want to try OpenRCT2, which is RollerCoaster Tycoon 2 but pumped with steroids and given the ability to do whatever the FUCK you want. Also, the Vinesauce thing. Oh yes! Welcome to fuck, as my Swedish friend would say. I miss you, Cherry.

A WIND SNOW Fuck you to my Nintendo GameCube controller which has the left pressure-sensitive trigger be slightly more sensitive than the right one so that when I try to configure it in Dolphin I have to set the deadzone to such a precise setting that makes it so that depressing the thing 99% of the way down doesn't make it register as being depressed 100% of the way down but at the same time having to micromanage that with the right trigger requiring me to suffer having to either make it so that it too is registered as slightly more depressed than it should be in order for the left analogue trigger to work or else that when the right analogue trigger is depressed all the way down it does not register as having been depressed all the way down and instead is only registered as depressed 99% of the way down thus ensuring that essential functions are not available in some games until this oversight is fixed either by manually setting Dolphin to register it as a default GameCube controller which persists in making this issue yet is still playable due to it registering the exact same on Dolphin as it would on Hardware thanks to Nintendo's hardware defects in the production of this particular controller or I will have to deal with a 1% margin of error every single time I depress an analogue trigger 99% of the way and have it register as being depressed 100% of the way when I only wanted it depressed 99% of the way. LITERALLY UNPLAYABLE.

§ January 07, 2017

A SNOWMAN Big ups to the "Iron and the Soul" (archive) article by Henry Rollins, and the reasons I link his Wikipedia article are twice: once is because he has one, and a good article no less. Twice is so you may be inspired by the sheer amount of stuff he has done. From fighting to music. To television to radio. To being a comedian, too. He is but a few steps away from being a Renaissance man, and I have never heard of him until now, nor do I expect to ever again. This article, though it is popular among strongmen, is not meant to fetishise the benefits of working out, nor is it to be the self-satiricising type of drivel you see on the legendary Bodybuilding Forums. It's the solid dick that a l o s e r like you needs to have the discipline to make something out of yourself, have the self-confidence to do so, and care for yourself to the point where you become the person that other losers aspire to be. It's about understanding that discomfort is part of the process, and not to reject it, but to embrace it - it's that discomfort that acts as a barrier between who you want to be, and who you are now. It's the filter meant to keep losers like you out. It's about building character, so that when you stop being a loser and start being somebody worth looking up to, you don't disappoint them by showing dishonour and causing them to regress even further than they already have, through the sheer virtue of wanting to be like who you turned out to be. And it's realising that when the ebbs and flow off life takes its toll, you must understand that as all things come and go, a hundred kilograms will remain a hundred kilograms so long as you earn the ability to lift it. And it's understanding that for yours truly, I may feel the discomfort of having to do the work and update every day, even when I fail to do that simple task from a body that wants nothing more than to rest, my legacy will alway remain so long as someone has the opportunity but to read it. And all of these precious little things matter, because the same series of small steps that on takes in order to be better, is the same series of steps they don't take, and become worse from it. All I may do is give you the opportunity to be better.

A WIND SNOW Fuck you to websites which continue to rely on JavaScript for their websites to function beyond a good drop of piss. The piss is metaphorical - actual piss is irrelevent to websites. I was talking with a programmer, and they said they had significant doubts integrating anything that was made in ten days, let alone a fundamental programming language. So guess which programming language was made in ten days? Here's a hint: it's the tenth word in this paragraph! Alright, granted, it's been pumped with steroids the past two decades, but come on. Ten days. When it comes to the hottest new programming language of the 2015s, the only people who will seriously defend its use are those who have sunk too much time learning how to use the damn thing, when its only serious uses are fundamentally flawed (such as service-as-a-software-subsitute web apps), and the rest of its uses are for worthless things, such as voting. I will admit it's nice to edit my website using a JavaScript editor instead of having to go through the whole rigamarole of having to upload a new version of a page each time, and so there's no sense in banning it completely from the Web. At the same time, the Neocities editor is kind of shit, so thanks for that. My big gripe with the language is when uncreative designers use it for applications that could just as easily be made in the two sensible Web languages, CSS and HTML. Of course they both have their own share of problems, such as CSS not being standardised between browsers and HTML having unecessary complex syntax (why do we need both an "ID" and a "CLASS" selector for what is fundamentally the same function?), though the reason they're nicer to have is because these are markup languages instead of actual code, and as such are extraordinarily fast, as well as not being able to inject malware into the user's computer like JavaScript can. I suppose the styling languages are considered the lesser of two evils, though when it comes to the awful security, performance, licensing (thanks Stallman), and broad overuse due to developers having, to quote Mark Twain, shit for brains, it lends itself to being a dead horse language: something people use just because they can use it. So to celebrate the death of JavaScript, as I arbitrarily declare as so many bloggers have declared things as dead, let's call today "Death of JavaScript Day". It will be celebrated the instant my blog becomes worth a shit enough to force stupid holidays like that.

§ January 06, 2017


§ January 05, 2017

A SNOWMAN Big ups to this article by... "George Monbiot" (archive). Is that a real surname that somebody way back when thought would have been a good idea to stick with? Now it makes you sound like a discount Deus Ex villian rather than a journalist, though I wouldn't know about your credentials, due to your blog being offline as of NOW. Fuck, this blog is becoming a link whore, isn't it? Except for the next paragraph, of course~. The article is a short little romp about the banalities of celebrity, and the stupid, stupid people who focus on them. I realise I don't have to link this type of content, because my audience aren't the types to see if Kanye's wife is back from Erebor, and I know this because anybody who wants to see content from (blatantly quoting my TV Tropes page) one faceless, nameless, bisexual, furry, pirating, plushophiliac, free software-using, Canadian (probably), workaholic, incredibly manly upstanding young bloke named Froge, is probably not going to care about whatever Adam Sandler is up to, beyond disappointing another young mother who looks into her son's bedroom and sees the hideous visage of a washed-up actor, and him laughing. "My son is an idiot", she'll think. That poor bastard. The article itself doesn't lead to any extraordinary point, or even pops off like ~yours truly~ does, though it shines some light onto the idiocracy that is reality television. You should learn about it sometime. When The Troll tweets about Israel as opposed to, you know, doing something about it, it shows that the dark future predicted by Idiocracy, is coming to pass. While I realise the joke about that silly comedy by the creator of Hank Hill and the Chain Smoking Gangsters being a documentary is deader than his career, you did elect an incompetent fascist into office. So good job there.

A WIND SNOW Fuck you to the phrase "that's not in my job description", which on one peet makes me angry for hearing just how little pride a person who says that takes in their workplace, though on the other peet is a good indicator of who to summarily execute whenever I get a chance, though now I'm on my back counting my peets, and I just ruined the office Christmas party. You know what that means? Public execution time! But enough about that. One of the hallmarks of a gentlemen is going above and beyond the call of duty, fulfilling their job in such an excellent way that nobody else may compare, making you an indispensable person in whatever you do. You will find the most famous people in the world are those who are well and truly exceptional at what they do, such as... I don't know any famous people so I'm going to say Adam Sandler for that one movie where he wasn't shit. You can bet that Adam Sandler didn't get to where he is by slacking off and not doing the work - no wait, come back, stop laughing. Alright, let's talk about me, because I'm the only deff cunt worth a damn in this entire establishment. To run this blog, you need skills. You need Web design skills, knowledge of proper formatting, extraordinary writing skills, the means to persuade, the confidence to speak, the Web languages to tie the visions together, the artistic knowledge of how to make a blog worth physically reading, the understanding of what makes excellent work as opposed to mediocre ones, the experience to understand where so many have fallen before, the discipline to get up every day and update regardless of your own motivations, and the honour to ensure that your blog is the best it may possibly be. That's a fucking lot. And I didn't get to where I am today by slacking off and not bothering to do the work. I'll bet you there are hundreds of drones out there, all writers-for-hire who spout off somebody else's opinion because they aren't bold enough, or are too ignorant, to write what they really want to write. To have the drive and the vision to earn enough depth of experience, and enough wordly knowledge to make what they have to say worth a damn. I don't get letters from fans because I make shitty work - I make it because I earned it. I'm a T-shaped man (archive): a man with many masteries, and even more fields I have a tidy sum of knowledge in. And I'm on my way to becoming the man that other men aspire to be - the man who may do anything. So the next time you want to avoid doing something because it's "not in your job description", remember the path you're choosing. You'll be another unskilled idiot in a throe of thousands, in a world that least needs unskilled idiots, and so your chances of surviving in the concrete jungle is, limited, to say the least. And that really is saying the least..

§ January 04, 2017

A SNOWMAN Big ups to the Slant Magazine article, which is a list, though I may not call a "listicle" because I do not enjoy coining words that sound like medicine, "The 100 Greatest Dance Songs". It contains a thrilling account of events of the Israel-Palestine war and the dramatic tales of the survivors of the Palestinian suicide bombings and the Israeli soldiers who gain PTSD from them, as opposed to something completely unrelated like the one hundred greatest dance songs. Though I appreciate the didactic (oh yes, this article has a fetish for the word didactic) titles, so that I know whether or not to patronise the establishment which hosts it instead of burning it to the ground like a Palestinian hospital, I have to wonder what the consequences of the world would be if we dressed up the titles a little bit. "You will not BELIEVE what made it onto our 100 Greatest Dance Songs -" OH SHIT IT'S SHIT. The list itself also tells a story, unlike a thrilling account of events of the Israel-Palestine war and the dead horse joke, this time of the entirety of house music, the dancehalls within them, the producers, the pop star leeches, the controversies, the gayness (oh yes...), the legal costs, the endless amounts of samples, and featuring a special guest appearance from the birth of electronic music itself. The way the article is written is... not shit. It's actually incredibly good, writing about the intangibles of music by forcing the feelings we're familiar with, such as power, sexuality, and glamour, and applying them to songs that we haven't heard before. When we do hear them, it all connects in that "Oh, shit!" moment, and it's brilliant. It's a brilliant justification of music journalism as something that has been disgraced by people who can only express music in how they feel, and now how somebody else might. It saddens me to say that the entire list is eight years late, because the greatest dance song ever made, "Buck Bumble Theme", has already been made, a perfect satiricisation of the banalities of music journalism in general, and the innate absurdity of enjoying what amounts to analogue tones with no virtuous fulfillment whatsoever. Either that or Undertale's thing.

A WIND SNOW Fuck you to the Swedish Supreme Court for ruling against Wikimedia (archive), saying that it "violates copyright by posting its own photos of public, taxpayer-funded art". Alright, let's see what we can dig up for today's big old fuck you before I have to perform my daily ritual of wrestling my dog and suplexing his stupid face into the ground like the dirt he is, lest the master become the mastered, which is why I broke up with my first girlfriend. When a girl binds you up in a gimp suit and makes you run a Qubecois Marathon, that's fine, but when she says you don't look good while doing it? What a bitch! Maybe I can get me a girl who appeals to my blatant fetish for Sweden: an irreligious country full of overly-polite people with an easy-to-learn language and a proud history of fuck. It's like little Canada! Except for all the racism, but you know, nobody talks about that because it would be devastating to their reputation. Just like Canada. Also the shitty food OH YOU GUESSED IT. And despite being the founder of The Pirate Bay, The Swedish blokes are extraordinarily conservative when it comes to matters of copyright, meaning the pipe dream of the Swedish pirate is just that: a dream. It should go without saying that when the government erects a public monument with the money they take from you, and don't give you the right to photograph it, that that is known, and let me emphasise here, as a DICK MOVE. I would say "fuck Sweden", but I don't want to get banned from there. And also I saw a cute bunny girl wearing a Sweden-flag dress. It's that fucking Nordic cross that makes it work. There are only so many flags of the world you can wear without being a complete cunt. For instance, what the FUCK is going on with the United States flag? I'm not even being ironically anti-American. I legitimately think it's the worst clusterfuck that has ever been graced on a national flag. Well, except for Abkhazia.

§ January 03, 2017


§ January 02, 2017

Be cautioned: the next BUAFY said I'll phone it in. Though I did not mean for this to happen outside of this isolated event, you can see it happened outside of that isolated event.

§ January 01, 2017

A SNOWMAN Big ups to the Dolphin Emulator monthly development blogs. It's always nice to see the developers of software the equivalent of throwing a child under a bus to please the Rain Gods to give them a bountiful harvest this year spend the time to explain to the rest of us living children how the thing works, and how people hacked it together from years of spaghetti technology. I'm especially pleased at the efficient length of today's article. Namely, there is none. I'd give you a "fuck you" today, but I'm tired off my ass from having spent four hours compressing images to do research on the optimal parameters. Actually, that seems like a decent reason to phone it in.

A WIND SNOW Fuck you to that thing I mentioned above. You'd think that creating a monthly development post would mean that you actually update once a month, as opposed to once a month plus a day. I guess they're taking the Froge school of thought, updating the day after and then saying you updated the day before. Well you know what, I'm actually a time traveler, so your appropriation of my culture in not appreciated. Oh, and happy new year! I'm saying that because of yesterday's big-ass BUAFY, for those of you who didn't read it. I'm coming for you.

December 2016 MiloBUAFY RatoFebruary 2017


January 2017 (we're here already!)

December 2016

November 2016

October 2016

September 2016

August 2016

July 2016

June 2016

May 2016

Last year never happened - Froghand.

Today's page was updated on 2017-01-10 and created on 2017-01-04!

Now it's on to an even worse one.

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